FAS vs. Royal Marines

Report by Daniel Mortlock:

Converging at Blockley rec. under ominous skies, the first task facing FAS and RMCC today was what format to go for to maximize the chance of getting a result. They wanted to repeat last year's double Hundreds, but this time we managed to negotiate our way up to 30 overs a side, something most FAS players seem to happy to assert is "more our game". Next task was to sort out the pitch, which was difficult to distinguish from the rest of the outfield (let alone the square), and so the groundsman was called in for an emergency mow. Still, we knew from Sunday's internal game that batting would still be difficult - this wasn't quite the surface that Crofty, the Marines' organiser, wanted for the tri-services twenty/20 tournament being played here the next day.

Having won the toss, we batted first and progressed fairly steadily for the most part, although none of the top order really got going: Jim Streeter (9 off 15 balls), Dave Kittow (14 off 21 balls) and Toby Reynolds (19 off 47 balls) were largely becalmed; and while James Houlder (9 off 7 balls) pulled two of his first six balls to the boundary, his attempt to repeat the trick off his seventh went straight to the square leg fielder. With our top order back in the pavilion, a mediocre total was a real danger - perhaps 30-over cricket isn't "our game" either - until Jason Simon went on a late-innings rampage of controlled aggression, eventually finishing on 65* (off 58 balls), the best FAS innings of the tour. With good late support from Harry Houlder (10* off 12 balls) we ended up with 156/6, which felt competitive on this pitch, but no more than that.

The favourable bowling conditions also meant things were superbly set up for what was effectively a tour bowl-off, with all the contenders for the award on the field: Daniel Mortlock (6 wickets at 8.33); Harry Houlder (9 wickets at 9.11); Tom Reynolds (5 wickets at 13.00); Adam Slater (4 wickets at 15.25); Joe White (3 wickets at 20.00); and Jamie Dare (2 wickets at 22.00). (Aaron Houlder had bowled well earlier on tour to take 3 wickets at 25.33, but had been dragged back to the real world a day early, so wasn't going to able to improve on his figures.) While Harry and Daniel were clear front-runners, a good spell (e.g., a five-for) from any of the others would probably be enough to swing things their way - and with the Marines having spare players who'd been given permission to bat there was the possibility of extra wickets on offer (e.g., a first ever FAS eleven-for). Harry's strong position was also a cause for concern as there was a danger we would no longer be able to fill banter gaps by taunting him about the fact that he'd never won the award - it was expected that every FAS fielder would, er, do their duty.

Jamie and Joe kept themselves in the race with superb opening spells of 1/2 off 3 overs and 1/8 off 4 overs, respsectively - they were simply too good for the RMCC top order. Slats, skippering today, graciously took himself out of contention for the bowling award by giving the ball to others, first of whom was Tom Reynolds. After he grabbed two quick wickets, the Marines had slumped to 18/4 in the 9th over, and now needed comfortably more than a run a ball. Moreover, Tom had improved his tour stats to 7 wickets at 10.43 at this point, so a couple more wickets was all he needed . . . but the Marines' fifth wicket pair were up to the task, and in the end Tom had to be content with a still creditable 2/32 today and 7 wickets at 13.86 for the tour. Next up was Daniel (0/21), whose tight but unpenetrative (settle down) spell presumably also took him out of contention in the bowl-off, worryingly now led by Harry.

With the runs starting to come more freely - surely the Marines couldn't emulate our miracle from 2018? - it was time to bring on the big guns to seal the deal. Next to be given the ball was Harry, who was unlucky to have several lofted shots fall just out of the reach of fielders - although it didn't go unnoticed that it was Jamie and Daniel who repeatedly "couldn't quite get to the ball, sorry mate", something the match referee might want to look into at some point. Then Joe (2/11) came back on and immediately made a breakthrough - although he really needed multiple wickets to make an impact in the averages. Moreover, his wicket unfortunately turned out to be a tactical error, as it brought big-hitting Jez Parsons to the crease, and after a few overs he and the surviving opener had taken RMCC's total to 121/5 with one ball to come in the 27th over.

At this point we need a dramatic Tarantino-style freeze-frame, as there was just too much going on to make sense of everything in real time. On the game front, RMCC had come back to the point where they needed 36 from 21 balls, with two set batters at the crease - the odds were probably still in our favour, but if so then not by much. Incredibly, the bowl-off had also come back to life, as Harry, with 0/44 at this point, had seen his tour stats balloon out to 9 wickets at 14.00 - still respectable, obviously, but no more than compeitive with Daniel's and Tom's dead hands of 6 wickets at 12.17 and 7 wickets at 13.86, respectively. (Jamie, with 1/10 at this point, seemed to be completely out of contention with just 3 tour wickets at 18.00; and Joe was definitely done with 5 wickets at 14.20.)

Resuming the action what we got was twenty minutes of cricketing mayhem:

• 26.5: H. Houlder to J. Parsons, wicket: 121/6
  Low full toss, but Parsons's cross-bat stroke results in a top edge which Houlder catches above his head. That's the breakthrough that FAS wanted - and it does Houlder no harm in the bowl-off, either, bringing his tour average down to 12.60, below Tom's and surely close enough to Daniel's for his greater number of wickets to hold sway come awards time.

• 27.1: J. Dare to S. Hewitt, 4 runs: 125/6
  Inside edge that flies down to the boundary, sufficient for Dare to explain to the world that "This is why I hate cricket."
• 27.2: J. Dare to S. Hewitt, wicket: 125/7
  Dare bowls Hewitt for a well-made 34; presumably he doesn't hate cricket so much now.
• 27.3: J. Dare to L. Walker: 125/7
  Play and a miss, and well taken by Simon, still standing up.
• 27.4: J. Dare to L. Walker, 1 run: 126/7
  A late-cut - or perhaps a thick edge - and the batters take a comfortable single and don't manage a second despite Mortlock managing to fumble the almost stationary ball and then hurl it at the keeper's feet.
• 27.5: J. Dare to L. Smegman: 126/7
  Mis-hit to the fielder.
• 27.6: J. Dare to L. Smegman, 4 runs, 130/7:
  Smegman ("Er, it's joke name, Sir, like "Biggus Dickus.") rocks back and nails a pull - no chance for the fielders.

With 25 needed off 12 balls this game is not done yet - and a couple of wickets to either bowler could swing the bowl-off their way.

• 28.1: H. Houlder to L. Walker, 2 runs: 132/7
  Big hit to the leg-side but it's well cut off on the bounadry by J. Dare; his arm is easily strong engough to prevent the batters chancing a third run.
• 28.2: H. Houlder to L. Walker: 132/7
  Goes big again but misses, being beaten by the spin.
• 28.3: H. Houlder to L. Walker, wicket: 132/8
  Walker comes down the track in attempt to negate the spin, but he misses by a mile and Simon completes the easiest of stumpings. This takes Houlder's tour record to 11 wickets at 11.64, bringing his average below Mortlock's 12.17.
  From the sidelines Cliff shouts "We're in trouble now, Morty!" which doesn't make sense given that this wicket has surely solidified FAS's hold on the game, with 25 needed of just 9 balls now.
• 28.4: H. Houlder to E. Cermuchen, wicket: 132/9 Houlder deceives the new batter, who's bowled.
  Cliff again seems pessimistic about the situation: "We're fucked now, Morty!" and the horrible truth dawns that he's not talking about the match, but the fact that Harry is now in a seemingly unassailable position, with 12 wickets 10.67 - and with a chance for an "icing on the cake" hat-trick.
• 28.5: H. Houlder to C. Horne, 1 run: 133/9
  No field change for the hat-trick ball as FAS prioritise the win. Houlder sends down a good leg-spinner that Horne swings hard at - and it's another top edge that's going to go over Mortlock at mid-wicket. Mortlock pretends to lose the ball over his shoulder, makes a few steps in the right direction, and then puts in a reasonably convincing dive, at least ensuring there's no hat-trick.
• 28.6: H. Houdler to L. Smegman, 6 runs: 139/9
  Houlder throws it out wide and it turns, the batter swinging wildly but "he's nowhere near it" (according to the bowler). No matter: it's the biggest shot of the match, sailing high and wide over distant mid-wicket boundary and bouncing onto the road.

If Smegman can get the strike next over the Marines might still be in with a chance in this game - three more big hits like that would be enough. But, even though it was probably worth 12, that blow wasn't enough to knock Houlder off the top of the bowling averages, with 12 wickets at 11.25, and will presumably remain there unless Dare (currently on 4 wickets at 15.75) can do something spectacular.

• 29.1: J. Dare to C. Horne, wicket: 139/10.
  Dare can do something spectacular, castling Horne. He now has 5 wickets at 12.60. This puts him third in the averages - and he has a chance to do better still, as RMCC appear to be sending out a twelfth batter.
• 29.2: J. Dare to An Unknown Soldier, wicket, 139/11:
  Full, fast and straight again, and it's another wicket to Dare. With that he shoots past Houlder (and Mortlock) to top the averages for the first time all tour, with 6 wickets at 10.50, and with two in two he's potentially on a hat-trick . . .

At this point we were prepared to see another batter come out - there were still three members of the Marines' squad who hadn't appeared - but they decided surrender was the best option at this point, FAS running out winners by a relatively comfortable 17 runs. Harry (3/53) and Jamie (4/19, the best figures on tour) made merry as the Marines lost their last 6 wickets for 14 runs in 15 action-packed deliveries. The bowl-off was even tighter than anyone realised at the time: with (a maximum of) just 10 deliveries still to be bowled on tour Daniel had the best average; then, following his second wicket today, Harry went top for all of 5 deliveries (28.3 to 29.1); and then Jamie took the lead for the first time by taking a wicket on what turned out to be the final ball of the tour (29.2). But we'd all have to wait a few hours to find out who'd won the coveted bowling award . . .