Report by Daniel Mortlock:
After what was universally agreed to have been a Big Night at Slip Mill, the last thing anyone seemed to need was a cricket match . . . but that's what we had in the form of an internal game between the FAS Rascals and the FAS Rapscallions. The club was split largely along family lines, although the disinterested observer might have struggled to work out what was going on from the team lists as announced:
Still, while cryptic - this could easily have been a subtle recruitment drive for new GCHQ codebreakers - the list was essentially accurate, barring only the fact that WG was chum-less, thus allowing Tom Dare to be promoted into the starting eleven (well, starting ten) for his first full FAS game.
The game started a mere half an hour late with the Rascals top order kept in check by a spiteful pitch and a lush outfield, the result being some fairly soporific cricket (which seemed to suit most people). The balance of power early was with the bowlers, as both Daniel Mortlock (2/11) and Ben Kittow (0/33) proved difficult to get away. But, after an early wicket, the batsmen gradually wrested control, 13/1 after 7 overs, becoming 36/1 after 12 and 104/1 in the 21st before the second wicket fell. That said, the 102-run partnership for the second wicket was an unusual three-hander, Jim Streeter retiring hurt on 25* (off 31 balls) before Tom Hall (15 off 15 balls) got himself out to a rank half-tracker from Jamie Scott (2/11). The cricket finally came alive at this point, and the last 10 overs of the Rascals' innings yielded 54 runs and 4 wickets, including one to Alex Stone (1/23).
This was a singular achievement not in strict cricketing terms, but more from an administrative perspective, as Stoney had spent most of the afternoon driving around the Kent countryside in search of his cricket boots. While his absence was decidedly in character - sadly this wasn't remotely scandalous enough be referred to as Stone-gate - it also meant a rotating stream of substitute fielders, not all of whom seemed keen, at least judging from this apparent homage to 2001: A Space Odyssey on the WhatsApp group:
[13:09, 06/09/2020] James Houlder: Hal please come and field
[13:11, 06/09/2020] James Houlder: Hal
[13:11, 06/09/2020] James Houlder: Hal
[13:11, 06/09/2020] James Houlder: Hal
[13:11, 06/09/2020] James Houlder: Hal
[13:11, 06/09/2020] James Houlder: Hal
[13:11, 06/09/2020] James Houlder: Hal
[13:11, 06/09/2020] Hal Dare:
Sorry jimmy I need a few mins then will be there
"This conversation can serve no purpose any more."
While all this was going on there'd been a calm centre in the form of Jamie Dare, who'd opened for the Rascals and ended up batting through their 30 overs, nearly turning his first half-century into a full one as he finished on 78* (off 94 balls).
With such momentum it was a no-brainer to give Jamie the new ball, but while his figures of 0/15 from 6 overs were tidy enough, he couldn't get the breakthrough the Rascals required. The Rapscallions' opening pair of Dave Kittow and Toby Reynolds accumulated steadily, giving them the ideal platform with a 62-run opening partnership. That this was a winning start was evidenced by the increasing grumpiness of the Rascals, which reached its height when Joss (1/29) gave Dave a serious send-off when he finally bowled him for 36 (off 46 balls). Harry Houlder (23 off 27 balls) then gave Toby superb support, as they exploited the fielders' tired legs by running lots of quick singles - although it did require a stroke of luck when a direct hit run out was denied by the heavy Zing bails (which, perhaps presciently, had been supplied by Harry). Will Siebert (1/29) and Dares Cliff (1/22) and Hal (1/16) got some late wickets, but it wasn't enough to stop the Rapscallions completing a comfortable victory. And, notably, this was again built on a disciplined innings by a young batsman, Toby Reynolds getting what was most definitely not his first FAS half-century and finishing on 56* (off 71 balls).
No end-of-tour dinner, sadly - that will have to wait 'til next year - but a few people did repair to the local for a pint before heading back home.